It’s always different looking backwards, even stranger gazing forward toward unknown moments in dumb-luck guesses of chance and gamble. It could be a sucker bet. All those years strung out by a few dwindling days left to come, and they go just like that. Nobody said it’s easy being who they pretend to be. The same person who was me when I pretended to be another self. In the end, always looking for some love, and finally feeling less alone.
The ultra-personality crisis of you versus many. Staring down the muzzled throat to the guts of indifference barking orders toward your own triumph or ultimate demise in the rigged game of life, the house always wins. A tragicomedy of existence in three acts. Beginning, middle, and end, but out of order. How could things get so confusing? The end comes in the middle, and the start could be over and finished. This is the only way to make sense of the nonsense in the noise inside your head. To laugh at life’s absurd theater while keeping tears at bay.
Thoughts of a poor, sainted mother who sacrificed her life for her ungrateful children. The father who was never around, living in perpetual fear of his wrath when he was. Though they left this place long ago, their memories vibrate with every passing hour and year. They stay close to your heart. One and the same. The hours diminish as the cosmic drummer keeps beat, moving along to a big finale crescendo crashing down. It’s a loud belch, some indigestion, and maybe a bad case of heartburn.
Doomed to repeat the past in a not-so-distant future. This repetition is known as history's revenge. The story of how the world became messed up irrevocably. Waiting and watching it crash and burn. Now the survivors are gawking at the burning pile up of twisted metal, melted plastic, and charred corpses.
Knowing all along that money’s the common denominator. The root of all evil is expensive. It’ll never buy happiness or love. But it couldn’t hurt. The old maxim that money makes the world go round. Exploiting the poor. Stupidity, fear, and greed—the union driving people to the brink of insanity.
There are no loopholes in this law of averages. We strive to be more human than most humankind, yet somehow it makes us less compassionate towards others, just as humans who aren’t like us. The luck of the draw will always come with strings attached. Something for nothing will eventually run out of options. No time for pleasantries or anything else. Strictly business as usual. You get what you pay for. Selling your soul to the highest bidder.
When time has no place to go, it goes slowly. The invention of keeping track of days and lost hours of monotony accumulates. Suddenly, birth and death are a safe wager to deal with the bargain of life. There’s nothing more to say about it. Fate will always decide what happens next. Are you a lucky stiff or born to lose? It may pass from recent memory, but you can never forget. A brief blip on the road to knowing. Parallel parking in the multiverse of madness.
That’s why people aren’t perfect. They never learn. Afraid of being alone and lonely. Judged by the people who they trusted to be there for them. Abandoned and lost. Left for dead by the wind and rain in the streets of this country for another day. The day of reckoning will come soon. The resurrection is here and now. I’m going back home now to finish up my life with gusto. Free from guilt for the past and future, but not the present dilemma of living today over. A repeat performance of the old song and dance routine will make it easier for the next time it rolls around the dial. What time is it?
Jet lag is the best way to describe this feeling of malaise. Moving forward faster than standing still. A cholera in the time of medical mediocrity. The medicine’s worse than the disease. The gastrointestinal tract is backed up with toxic gases ready to explode. The slightest motion could trigger an explosion. A self-satisfying sound, the release of pressure from inside the chamber hisses and whistles like a teapot. In some cultures, a belch after a meal is considered a compliment. Excuse me.