I have a little jar of wooden “fucks” that a friend sent me for Christmas last year. Each month I burn one during my semi-witchy little full moon ceremony when I write in my gratitude journal, set intentions, burn sage to clear out negative energy in my space. It’s a humorous, symbolic and energetic release of caring about the wrong shit each month. As I’ve gotten older, I realize there really are only so many things and people worthy of caring about.
I’ve written at Splice Today for over 12 years with over 500 pieces in addition to a long print and newspaper magazine career. During this time I published three novels and am currently working on two books: an essay collection and a memoir. I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not and have often called myself a mediocre writer. Embracing mediocrity is a lifestyle because I believe lowering expectations leads to less disappointment and stress.
Lately my already-unheralded career has been questioned and I’ve received an onslaught of vicious comments from a hostile commenter on this site; more than I’ve collectively received throughout my previous 12 years. I wonder how much I’m supposed to care about this: I can report it isn’t much. I check in once a week to see his latest vitriolic ramblings. I’ve responded a few times because other commenters have also been dragged in, but the sort of barely-masked MAGA punching-down of me, my work and gender is worn-out, reflects on the stereotypical basement-dweller nature of this type of commenter. It’s not a battle worth fighting.
The American Psychological Association reports that “trolls are more likely to target members of nondominant groups, such as women, people of color, and LGBTQ+ people,” and although I’ve got no interest in playing a victim here and am essentially merely making observations, as a queer woman, I’m checking off two of those boxes so if we make an assumption that the commenter meets the troll profile, it’s not surprising. What’s the profile?
A Medium piece about online trolling leading to suicide cites narcissism as the origin of the trolls, stating it’s “the self-obsession, the feeling of self-importance, the desire to break others down and gain significance at the expense of others.”
My colleague Loren Kantor wrote an excellent piece called “Dealing With Online Trolls” where he breaks down the psychological traits of online troll commenters:
—They are typically male, internet-addicted and are at risk for becoming internet dependent.
—They have few offline friends and their online friends also engage in online harassment.
—They are plagued by immense feelings of inferiority, isolation, rage, paranoia and jealousy for peers.
—They are seeking attention and retribution for some unknown perceived injustice.
—They are developmentally immature, tend to be chronically isolated and have minimal to no intimate relationships.
—The anonymity of the internet contributes to disinhibition effect leading trolls to behave in asocial ways with a lack of guilt or remorse for the harm they cause.
That list remind you of anyone else besides our unfriendly neighborhood troll commenter here at Splice? Let’s just say there’s matching rageaholic gear; go chat with Tucker or awkwardly jump up and down on stage about it, what’s the point of the words you’re wasting, exactly? I promise I’m not losing any sleep, I’ve already burned that wooden “fuck.”
Kantor notes: “The moment you realize that trolls are mentally or emotionally disturbed, you understand the futility of countering them with rational or emotional pleas. The more rational you are, the more irrational a troll becomes. If you tell a troll he’s hurting your feelings, you reward him. He wants to inflict pain and misery. He’s an agent of chaos.”
I also wrote “Dear Cranky Commenter Troll” over a decade ago that’s still pretty accurate, and ended up with an entertaining section at a time when comments were more participatory (and in general less full of hate) than today. Although already scarce at one a month, the day that gets nearer all the time that, as the cliches go, I’ll run out of fucks to burn.
