Every season, Philadelphia’s Citizens Bank Park announces new additions to the menus of various eateries and vendors scattered around the stadium. This year's offerings include a chicken cutlet sandwich named after Kyle Schwarber (with burrata, fried pepperoni, and arugula), S'mores quesadillas, and red velvet affogatos. You're likely wondering, "What’s an affogato?"
The Philadelphia-focused division of eater.com describes the ballpark concession. "This winning new combo of red velvet cookies, vanilla ice cream, and perky espresso helps fans make it through the 7th inning stretch." The way things are going for the Phillies this season, fans would kill for something to get this team through the 7th because the bullpen has been anything but perky this season. More on that below. If burrata, quesadillas, and affogatos are tricky to pronounce and harder to pay for after tickets and parking, the ballpark still offers the typical baseball stadium fare, but reasonably-priced food at any of the stadium concession stands is hard to come by.
The most popular food-centric promotion at CBP—$1 Hot Dog Night—was discontinued before the 2025 season. Team officials ended the 27-year tradition due to unruly fans chucking them at one another and replaced the promotion with two-for-one hot dog deals meant to either deter fans or double the ammunition. Has anyone measured the possible throwing distance of a S'mores quesadilla?
Who’s the target audience for these cultured and caloric menu options? At the start of the season, the Phillies ranked in the top ten in the highest median ticket prices ($107 per ticket), and parking is $25 for regular vehicles ($50 for oversized). Doing the typical "family of four" calculation guesstimate brings the total to over $450. A team supporter must bring the bank before stepping foot in The Bank. "I'm not happy to see you, security patdown man. That's just a Wawa Shortie in my cargo shorts."
The foods synonymous with watching baseball—dogs, soft pretzels, popcorn, nachos, and peanuts are slowly being replaced with photogenic foods for social media clout chasers. "Buy me an Affagato and Coke & Jack, I don't think I can afford to go back" isn't as melodically catchy. The indulgent stadium food options might subliminally help fans cope with the highs and lows of a long baseball season. Sports franchises likely earn money yearly to conduct studies linking on-field play to concession spending habits.
Soft-serve in a mini helmet is about as decadent as I'll go at the stadium, but the team's bullpen issues and inability to avoid grounding into double plays might have me double-fisting S'mores and red velvet cake in no time. Stress-eating is my Olympics. I'm a gold medalist. A walk-off loss to complete a sweep by the Mets sent me straight to the kitchen cabinets. I pondered a season of possibly not making the playoffs while eating four Entenmann's donuts. If the sweep happened at home, the Federal Donuts in Section 140 would have crowned me "Customer of the Day."
While the team doesn't seem too concerned with the recent slide, the April underachieving is a concern for my waistline and wallet. Until the Phillies find a way to hit with runners in scoring position, serviceable arms for the bullpen, and signs Jordan Romano up for the next rocket to space, I'm banning myself from certain sections of the ballpark and specific cabinets in my house.
