Whatever you do, don't bring your child in with you:
1. If you are a needy as hell customer who asks me to check movies
before you rent or buy them to make sure you will like them, I will
secretly hate you. All of our movies have people fucking in them.
Usually 2 or more people! This much you should know. Now do the
following: Look at the box cover. Is it appealing to you? No? Stop, put
the movie away and pick up another and try again. Yes? Good! Now, turn
over the box. Do you see those other pictures? If none of those appeal
to you, don't rent the movie. If they appeal to you, rent it, take it
home, wank to it, be happy. If it's not to your liking, shut the fuck
up and rent another movie. I really don't care if it wasn't appropriate
wanking material up to your fine and high pornography standards. This
isn't a restaurant where you can send something back if you don't like
it – it's a porn store.
2. If you return movies that you rented with unidentified
substances on them, you are a nasty motherfucker who should get hit by
a bus. I get paid $9.00/hour, which is not enough to clean up your
spunk. Wash your hands before you take the DVD out of the player, you
nasty ass son of a bitch. After you return that nasty jizz covered
movie, I will curse you loudly, put on 2 pairs of latex gloves, use
copious amounts of cleaning supplies and then put a nasty note in your
account about how you are a nasty asshole who can't return a movie the
way we gave it to you - clean and DNA free. Then, everyone who works in
the store knows what a nasty person you are. So for the love of Christ,
wash your nasty hands and have some respect for the people who work
here.
