A couple of months back, after running into an old tennis partner, I asked if he was still hitting the courts. He was, but they were the wrong courts. When he told me he'd switched to pickleball, I stifled a grimace.
Tennis is one of the greatest sports in the world, with a long-established history that's produced a trail of stars. Nobody can name a pickleball star; nobody will ever be able to name one. I'm hardly the only one to be annoyed by the upstart sport for the immobile. It's a wussy, dorkified version of tennis. Even its name is silly.
As a lifelong tennis player, I've never had any desire to pursue this rinky-dink sport. It’d mean going from competing against real athletes to going up against retirees, many of whom have never played any sport, who want to “stay active” and enhance their social life. Aesthetically, pickleball's a mess. The long dinking battles are mind numbing, and the piercing, popping sound the ball striking produces is jarring.
Director Josh Greenbaum follows the template of mocking easy-to-ridicule sports, as in DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story (2004), Kicking & Screaming (2005)—and the bowling movie, Kingpin (1996). The protagonist, Dusty (Jake Johnson), is a failed pro tennis player with a “loser” aura who now works as a tennis instructor for his cold, demanding dad, Chuck (Ed Harris, whose face is looking more craggy), the owner of a posh suburban tennis club who calls pickleball the “Covid of sports.”
The premise of the film is that there’s been an insurgency by club members who want some of the club’s tennis courts converted to pickleball courts, and Chuck’s going to do whatever it takes to put the impertinent rebels down. The inevitable goofy part of the premise is that the issue will be decided by a “duel” between a tennis player and a pickleball player. Hardliner Chuck says that it's unfortunate that this duel can't be settled the old fashioned way—with swords.
Normally I wouldn't care about what sports other people choose to play, but this “insurgency,” which really did happen on a nationwide level when pickleball started to take off, is what started my resentment towards the game. I recall visiting Florida one winter about 20 years ago and seeing tennis courts with new lines painted on them so they could also be used as pickleball courts. I took this as an unacceptable encroachment on my sport. Soon enough, pickleball courts were sprouting up in condo communities, clubs and public parks.
Dusty assumes he'll be the designated tennis player for the duel (Chuck isn't so sure) since nobody in the club—”all the dentists”—can touch him, but he injures his wrist. His doctor, played by Ben Stiller, recommends that he take up the wristy game of pickleball to rehab, but warns him that his wrist can't handle the stress of wanking. That's ludicrous, but this is a comedy and the plot requires a plot device to get Dusty on the pickleball court.
Dusty drives to the pickleball courts in his 1999 Buick, expecting to dominate—he calls himself “the hammer”—commencing the funniest segment of the movie. He surveys the distasteful environment with the facial expression of a gourmand just arriving in prison and surveying the cafeteria food. Dusty's slated to play against two older women—Gail (Cleo King) and Judy (Lynne Marie Stewart)—while teamed up with Candace (Mary Steenburgen). King and Stewart are hilarious as, sounding like two playground basketball players, they trash talk the overhitting novice on their way to victory. Gail calls him a bitch several times, and Dusty can't handle it. Then she ends the contest with the “dink” shot that's such a big part of pickleball.
During the match, Dusty and the much-older Candace strike up a friendship that becomes central to the story. He drops her off at her home and then, along with PJ (Aaron Chen), his best buddy and comic sidekick in the film, visits a tennis shop that also carries pickleball equipment. Surveying the simplistic-looking pickleball paddles gives them a good laugh. PJ says that someone of his buddy's stature buying one would be like “alternative comedy” along the lines of Andy Kaufman.
Dusty returns to the pickleball courts, where the movie delivers a good comic take on some of the questionable fashion choices pickleballers make. Their opponents, who are either siblings or romantic partners, are dressed in matching “his and hers” outfits—fuchsia shorts and flowered shirts.
The movie then shifts away from pickleball-mocking to a pro-pickleball tone. Dusty, sounding like a son coming out of the closet to a parent, informs Chuck that he's going to play for the pickleball side in the club “duel.” Chuck delivers a curveball by informing his son that he's recruited former tennis star Andy Roddick to play for the tennis side. Dusty outdoes Chuck at the 11th hour by winning the coin toss that his father hadn't realized allowed him to choose the court for the showdown. He chooses court 16, the pickleball court. Looking at Roddick, Gail says, “It’s pickleball, bitch!” The outcome of the match is predictable.
There're good and bum lines in The Dink. Mary Steenburgen steals the show with her charm and impeccable comic timing. Jake Johnson delivers the right combination of hubris and humility to capture the essence of man-child Dusty. Ed Harris, so skilled at projecting authority, is effective in his role as the harsh patriarch, although I'd like to have seen an actor of his stature given more to do. Chen, as Dusty's constant companion, is a good comic addition, although some of his lines fall flat—e.g. his bit about having a sexual relationship with a battleship.
The film’s too long. Ben Stiller's two superfluous, unfunny scenes should’ve been edited out, but he co-produced The Dink. Another scene for the cutting room floor was the one in which Candace takes Dusty to a bar to make her ex-husband jealous, as it provides minimal laughs while adding nothing to the story.
From one angle, The Dink is a forgettable, underdog feel-good comedy. It’ll probably be the last pickleball movie ever made. Ironically, the best laugh comes in a scene unrelated to pickleball when the girlfriend Dusty’s just dumped claims that she only cheated on him with one guy. When he reminds her that it was nine guys, she responds, “What are you Rain Man? You remember everything?”