January 2024… February 2024… March… wait… no March. No March? Why no March? He only kept going until FEBRUARY? Jesus Christ… this is going to take me forever. Da Boss watched 652 movies in 2024. Wait, that’s not right—that number comes from Letterboxd and rewatches within the year aren’t counted (i.e., he saw Anora twice, but it was only logged once). Whatever, I have the full log and the completed “movies seen theatrically” list that he kept updated religiously. Why does he keep these lists if he’s not going to do them past the first page? “I lose interest after the first page,” he said. “It’s all about that first month. New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day are the best holidays of the year. All renewal, living through history. There will never be another 2024, and many never lived to see it, and many more weren’t born yet. We have passed through the halls of history and are grateful, and as we move further into the headwinds of hist…”
He kept going, and going, and going, doing his best Warren G. Harding impression, bloviating about history and how New Year’s Eve is “living through history” (uh… okay). I just like getting the day off. WELL NOT AT THIS JOB!!! I’m still counting movies going off of Da Boss’ Letterboxd page. This is so BORING. I’m bored. Da Boss is having a meeting downstairs with some of his “people” about a new movie that I’ll surely be editing in a few months. Did you see Cruising in theaters? What about Sorcerer? Oh, okay, both. Why didn’t you do this at the time? “I told you, I lose interest after the first page.” WELL DON’T LOSE INTEREST THIS YEAR!!!
I was thinking about going to see that movie Sonic the Hedgehog 3. Why not? I’m not getting any younger. Da Boss has me doing what amounts to secretarial work over here, and I’m getting antsy. The only thing better than a shower is a good movie, so I’ll probably go tomorrow, or Friday, the day you’re reading this (you better be reading this the day it’s published), and I’ll find out if this new Sonic movie doesn’t suck like the first one. I didn’t see the second, upset by how vulgar the first one with James Marsden and Jim Carrey was. Carrey is back, I’m not sure about Marsden, but Keanu Reeves has entered the picture to play Shadow. Not the radio superstar of 1930s Depression-era America; this is a video game character created by Sega in the late 1980s. Maybe it was the 1990s? I don’t remember… I was a Nintendo hen.
Like the French elephant Babar, Sonic’s a noble beast, but a beast nonetheless; I asked Da Boss if he preferred Sonic or his crimson liege, Miles. “Uh, I was a Nintendo kid,” he said. “I played Ocarina of Time and Super Mario 64.” Oh, okay. Really? How do you remember? Did you write it down? Did you write down every video game ever played? Like the movies you watch? Oh, you didn’t? You didn’t even do it for the movies you watched? You’ve only been doing this for a decade?!?!??!!
I’m practicing patience on this New Year’s Day—my one and only resolution is to save my spur claws for one mauling a month. I’m already being put to the test.
—Follow Monica Quibbits on Twitter: @MonicaQuibbits