The day is done, and she won’t listen. My brain’s numb… anyone remember that band Wavves? That dude is my landlord now. Yeah, okay, I know what you’re thinking: Aren’t you living with your Sensei Quentin? Um, not at the moment… he is… indisposed… I mean he’s fine, he’s just not available right now. To me or to anyone else. Besides his family. Maybe. (I’ve been sworn to secrecy, understandably; I was made to sign an “NDA,” which I understand is short for Never Degrade Anyone by talking to the press. Smart—I should try this with my cousin and his bitch wife Monica. Maybe I could finally get some recognition around here. Did you know that my IMDb page erroneously lists me as having appeared in The Perils of Pauline? Seven installments, they say. Sorry, no—I was on the side of Nancy Drew and the Keystone Cops. I’m right here. I’ve always been here.
We were shooting in Highland Park last week. Nothing fancy, just some exteriors (NDA). We were only there for five days, and yet, we made the local news: KCAL reported that “residents are torn over impact of Quentin Tarantino project.” What’s amazing is that My Sensei is so famous, like one of the most famous people in the world, that this movie is known as a “Quentin Tarantino” project despite his 1) absence on the set, and 2) David Fincher’s presence as director. I know I’ve ribbed him, but dude is undeniable: Fight Club, Se7en, The Social Network, Gone Girl, Zodiac, and yes, The Killer, Wendy Williams’ favorite movie. He’s not in the headlines—why? He’s one of the hottest directors in Hollywood, has been for three decades; is My Sensei on another plane of fame?
“You know, Benny, I’m actually considered something of a philosopher in Russia. When I started making movies, they were just getting out of the Soviet Union, and the Russian Mafia was watching my shit as they started taking over the government.” I asked him if Vladimir Putin had ever seen Pulp Fiction. “Multiple times.” His favorite scene? “When Ving Rhames says, ‘I’m about to go medieval on your ass.’ I saw him cackle. It was awesome.” When was this? “I can’t talk about it.” I tried to get My Sensei to tell me more about the Russian Underworld, but before I could utter the name “Surokin,” he was gone again. Japan? Germany? The Middle East? It’s anyone’s guess.
What I can tell you for sure is that My Sensei is definitely not filming his final movie this December. Brad Pitt, Samuel L. Jackson, and Uma Thurman will probably be in it, whenever he gets around to making it, but the dude hasn’t even started yet. The Continuing Adventures of Cliff Booth is what he spent 2022, 2023, and 2024 working on. Don’t hold your breath for that “theater piece” he was talking about, it’s about as likely to happen as The Vega Brothers; a third Kill Bill isn’t as far-fetched as it sounds, with Thurman and her daughter Maya Hawke game in the event, but I gather that My Sensei wants to go out with an original piece, and something perhaps more somber, quiet—an “epilogue,” as he said, one that followed the explosive climax of his grand masterpiece Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
But it’s been six years since that film, and My Sensei has officially broken his streak of “inactivity” between movies. Well, to say that I say, he ain’t so inactive: besides writing The Continuing Adventures of Cliff Booth and selling it to Netflix for $20 million (nice), he wrote two books, opened another movie theater in Los Angeles, and co-hosted a podcast with his friend Roger Avary and his daughter Gala. Dude has been busy. Just because he’s not directing a movie, doesn’t mean he’s not being creative. Don’t you want to hear him rave about the production design in Slithis? What about the virtues of Filipino Revengematics? It’s all there, and it’s all true: he’s one of us, and we’re all a part of him now.
I don’t have any scenes this week, but later in August, I get to chop it up on screen with Brad. We’re buddies again. It’s amazing how much a little amyl nitrate will go. Dude goes hard. Believe it. I’ll be playing his sidekick, kind of like his dog in the first movie (don’t remember her name), and while I don’t have any lines yet, I’ll continue campaigning until we’re on the last take. I will be heard. If somebody gets in my way on this set, there’s going to be a problem.
—Follow Bennington Quibbits on Twitter: @MonicaQuibbits